Santa versus the reptilians

In the summer of 1991, I briefly knew a radical mall-Santa who believed that reptilians from the Pleiades were taking over Earth.

This was in Tucson. I was killing time, waiting for graduate school to begin, so I auditioned for and got a part in a community-access TV production. An homage to the Marx Brothers, its title was Soup to Nuts. The director, Vern, had written a pun-laden script and, so he said, provoked interest from a relative of one of the Marx Brothers. (Yes, this person must have been a relative of all of the brothers, but this is how Vern expressed it.) So this production would constitute his and perhaps our ticket to the Big Time. I can’t remember what my role was, but it entailed yelling full-force for about a minute.

Speaking of newspaper-collecting loons …

The Onion asks,  “How Will The End Of Print Journalism Affect Old Loons Who Hoard Newspapers?” Poignant stuff. And this question reminded me of a couple of people. But, since my grandmother is definitely not a loon, I’ll pretend that it reminds me only of a neighbor in Austin, circa 1984. Let’s call him James.

James collected and hoarded newspapers. He never threw any away, and he stacked them in massive stalagmites throughout his home; other piles lay strewn about the detached garage-shed behind it. I came to know this because we shared a duplex with him, even though he also owned the house next door.